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i'm trying to tell you something 'bout my life

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3rd February 2008

2:27am: i hate my life
now let me go cry myself to sleep.

yeah, i think that's all i care to say right now.
Current Mood: angry

3rd January 2008

3:23pm: i can't stand looking at my most recent post anymore, so i need to update
it's been quite a while. a whole lot has happened, and yet not much has changed. except everything has. i don't really know how to quantify my life, nor do i particularly want to talk about it. i just want to remove from view the horrific turn that my love life took this past spring/summer. christian? buh-bye. hello new lj format and vague nothingness.

i used to be able to shoot the shit on here for hours, and now i find myself totally at a loss for what to say. i guess that's the problem with vacation, nothing really happens, at least nothing memorable, so there's nothing to comment on.

i saw les mis last night on broadway. i'd say it was about 60% great and 40% mediocre, so on the whole it was pretty enjoyable. it's closing in 3 days, so i'm glad i got to see it before it left. and tonight i'm seeing wicked. i've kind of been on theater overload this week. that's the problem with being in new york with my parents - we just go to the theater every night because there's not a whole lot else for us to do together. it's been fun, but i'm glad that there's not too much left.

i think that's all i really need to say for now. i should get back to grad school applications and thesis work, since i've pretty much been a slacker all day. if i remember i'll try to get back into the habit of frequent updates, just so i have a record of my life. we'll see if that actually happens. it's a good thing there's really no one out there who still reads this. i think.
Current Mood: indifferent

28th July 2007

2:20am: boys...suck
ok, so i went to thailand, yay. and i came back and took my finals and they were easy, yay. and then christian came. and a mess was had, boo. and now boy is asking me for money? i don't know what to do and my hands are too drunk and tired to type, so i guess i won't actually be informing on this post. just confusing. ok. good for me. but tonight was really fun, it was emmalee's last night in sydney and we had a big send off at pete's house and then richard's house and then at three wise monkeys and then we went to hungry jacks aka burger king and i had a fantabulous burger and fries and now i'm home wondering what to do about christian. fucking boys. i'm not going to think about this now, that's what i'm going to do. tonight was too fun to think about things like this.
Current Mood: happy

6th June 2007

9:57pm: in 24 hours i'll be on a plane to thailand!!!!!
my bags are more or less packed, i have one more class and two finished papers to turn in, and then i'll be off!

i went to take pictures of my sneakers tonight as a kind of farewell since they were going to be destroyed hiking in thailand, but they were so photogenic and beautiful that i don't think i'll be able to let go. i think i'm going to have to go out tomorrow and buy a new pair just to take to thailand. i know it's really wrong to be in love with a pair of sneakers, but they're just so pretty! i would miss them too much if i knew they were sitting in a thai landfill somewhere. it's not like i could even give them to a charity there, since my feet are probably about 5 sizes bigger than the average thai person's. that's what i tell myself, anyway.

so this week has just been some major crunching in terms of getting last minute work done and finishing up classes and such.

i'm having trouble getting in touch with christian which is pissing me off, his email isn't working so he doesn't get the emails that i send and he keeps sending me emails saying 'why aren't you replying?' but i am. ugh. if i don't get to see him when i get back to sydney i'm going to be very sad. boo.

anyway i need to go skype with my mom and come up with a title for my sex and scandal paper, and then i'll be all set! yay!
Current Mood: ecstatic

28th May 2007

10:54pm: can i come home now?
i love australia. i really do. but things just keep getting...not better. saturday morning, in an attempt to be healthy i was eating muesli for breakfast. while chewing i bite down on something very hard. when i spit it out, i realize it's my crown. which is supposed to be cemented into my mouth for the next billion years or so. what the fuck???????

and i called my program coordinator who of course is a shit-ass and never returned my call, so i had to wait until today to find a dentist all by my lonesome. and he said that there's nothing he can do short of make me a new crown, which i don't want him to do. so i have to be without a tooth for a month. A MONTH. i'm going to go crazy within the week.

and then i got vaccinated today for thailand, and my arms hurt too much to lift. bad things like this just don't happen in america, i swear. and i don't have to read in the paper every morning how much american sucks, either. i mean, i know it's true, but it's kind of harsh to read every day how china thinks america's star has hit its peak and is on its way down, or some other such negative news.

i miss that innocent bubble of home, where teeth stay in your mouth and you don't have to worry about typhoid and angry people. and you don't have four papers due in the span of a week.

in 32 days i'll be home, school will be done, and i can relax for a bit. hurrah.

i'm happy and having a good time, i swear. i just need to complain to someone because i can't actually complain to any real people hear, and complaining to my mom over the phone really doesn't get me anywhere.

anyway, i'm going to go obsess over my mouth for a bit, then go to bed.
Current Mood: cranky

23rd May 2007

9:16pm: there's an ulcer growing on my toe...ew
yesterday in the span of about 10 minutes i got a huge blister, popped it, irritated all the skin away, and managed to leak blood through my fake leather ballet flat. and now it looks like a giant ulcer that's taking over my foot. don't worry, i took plenty of pictures for posterity.

so far today i've written 800 words of my 2500 word maimonides paper that's due next week. i'm quite proud of myself. and that's even with a trip to dj's, a long gym excursion, much spider solitaire, and watching the finale of sex and the city.

which has gotten me thinking. is that going to be me in 20 years? i mean, in terms of my relationships with friends. i hope so. but sometimes i just wonder and i think about what it would have been like if my friends were the same as they were two years ago. it would be weird. it's going to be weird going back to school and having to relearn my friends. i would like to think that i'm different now, in a good way, but i'm afraid the only thing about me that's changed since i've been here is my boob size. (fyi, they're bigger.) i don't know.

sydney is all of a sudden freezing. actually, correction. mandelbaum house is freezing. it's much warmer outside than inside. so i've been blasting the heat, which is lovely, and occasionally sitting directly in front of the heater in my skivvies trying to stay warm. if it wasn't such a lonely pursuit it would actually be quite enjoyable.

i finally heard from christian today. he seemed to think that i had forgotten about him, when it was him that didn't respond to my last email. so i guess we're still on. i'm not sure how much i want to see him, though. it's just been so long and it might be awkward. i hope it's not, but i always have second thoughts.

oh well. i'm probably not going to get back to my paper now, but i should.
Current Mood: productive

21st May 2007

7:06pm: jude law and a semester abroad
today in my sex and scandal class we watched a video about oscar wilde that the bbc made probably about 8-10 years ago. and lord alfred douglas, wilde's love interest, was played by none other than jude law, including much ass viewage and a view of some pubic hair. not that it matters, since everyone's seen him naked already anyway. it was interesting watching him sodomize young british boys, though.

and i think orlando bloom might have made a cameo at the beginning. i'll go check on that...haha i was so right. he was a 'rent boy,' whatever that is. and i was right, it's 10 years old. 1997 doesn't quite feel like 10 years ago, though. hmm. time goes by so fast, and yet so slowly as well.

my favorite quote from the movie, though, was this: "i find that alcohol, taken in sufficient quantities, can bring about all the effects of drunkenness."

oh, the humor of oscar wilde. my goal this summer is to read his plays and novels.

today i spent a considerable amount of time in the library reading about maimonides in preparation for an essay that i should have started writing already. i've become such a slacker in australia.

fortunately my tenure here is almost up, and i can come home and be normal in my normal life again. happy? sad? i don't know.

time to not think and watch sex and the city with the girls, my nightly break.
Current Mood: calm

20th May 2007

3:03pm: my niece is two years old...which makes me old
but that's really neither here nor there. i have yet to buy her a present, which makes me a bad aunt. i should get on that.

on friday night i went ice skating with monique and her friends bec and brendan from cadets. it was really fun, and the rink we went to has speed skating lessons! i really want to be able to go to one while i'm here, but it's unlikely that it'll happen. i'll try to find some in the states to go to, so i can at least say i've tried it.

this weekend was supposed to be spent working on my two jewish studies papers, but i didn't get as much work done as i would have liked. i'm not such a fan of writing about philosophy and such, and unfortunately that's what i have to do. i'll try to get some more work done tonight so i don't have to spend the next two weeks completely stressing over them. ugh.

and today i had a six hour lecture for one of my jewish studies classes. it's sunday. not fair. i think i might lie down for a few, then head over to the gym just to destress myself from the fact that i had to sit and pay attention for that long.

and from the fact that i've gotten myself involved with a very mature and unreasonable boy, who i can't even be in touch with. this is definitely my last foray into younger men, i can't take the immaturity.
Current Mood: tired

12th May 2007

11:16pm: give me naan...or give me death
today again i woke up early to get a jumpstart on the day. first i went to the rocks market, which is mostly artsy stuff. i bought myself a book (the other boleyn girl, which i've been dying to read but is never in the library) and some vintage postcards to decorate the walls. i found a vase that i should have bought for amy but didn't, so i'll probably go back and get it if i can't find something else. buying gifts for people is so stressful, i waaay overthink it.

after that i went to the sydney observatory, which i've been wanting to do for a while. it was pretty anticlimactic, there's not a whole lot to do during the day, and the exhibits aren't really scientifically based. i'm glad i went and got to see it though, i got to go up into one of the domes and see the telescope, so that was cool. the grounds are really pretty as well, with gardens and a park.

after that i took the bus to paddy's market, which is known for having lots of junk. i wanted to buy some souvenir stuff, so i did, but i'll probably go back later and get more. then i went to the fruit market to get a peach, but they must be completely out of season because none of the vendors was selling them. i bought some grapes instead, and ate them as i walked home. it took about a half hour and it was sooo nice out. i love just wandering the city, and this was the first time i've walked that part of town. sydney's really pretty and it's nice to wander, the same way dc is. it was just enjoyable.

and then i came home and passed out for a few hours. when i woke up i got ready for our house dinner, which we had out at an indian restaurant in darling harbour called zaafran. i don't like indian food, but the little bit that i did eat was okay and not too spicy, and of course i had tons of naan. it was just a really enjoyable evening, lots of good conversation and wine and fun, and i got to wear my new dress and boots and feel cute. afterwards monique and stuart and i went to homebar to have a cocktail and look cute (maybe not stuart, i think he just came along because i made him), and it wasn't quite what i was hoping but it was fun anyway, and then we came home. i'm quite tired, i guess just from walking around town today and yesterday, so i think i'll just put myself to bed so i can be productive tomorrow in terms of going to the gym and getting some work done.

bon soir.
Current Mood: content

11th May 2007

6:13pm: a lovely day in sydney
since i decided to be more active, i spent the day downtown today. first i went to the botanic gardens to see an exhibit called sex and death, about orchids and carnivorous plants. unfortunately half of it was closed for repairs and the rest was pretty small and didn't actually have any carnivorous plants in it, the greenhouse is really pretty and full of rainforest vegetation. it is also INCREDIBLY humid. like, it was basically raining in there, only not.

then i walked downtown to david jones and met monique. we shopped for a bit and i found the most gorgeous coat, but couldn't justify the price, so i'm waiting for a sale. then we went to the cheese bar in the food hall, which really is just that - a bar with stools and a menu of cheeses to taste, and then they have like, ham, olives, and wine and champers to drink. i had a gruyere, a french brie, and a goat cheese, and then it came with salad, bickies, bread, and quince paste. it was soooo delicious. then we went and did some more shopping, and i bought sexy lingerie, and sexy boots, then realized i needed an outfit to go with the boots, so i bought a dress and some ribbon to make a belt since the dress was a bit big. monique is my ideal match for shopping, just like jillian. we want the same things and go at the same pace. it just worked out perfectly. then we went to max brenner's chocolate shop and had white chocolate milk shakes and went home. a perfect day.

and perhaps tonight, a trip to the movies?
Current Mood: pleased

10th May 2007

4:50pm: i like books that make me cry
i just finished reading the time traveler's wife again. i couldn't put it down this afternoon, so i finished even though i don't think a big crying jag is what i needed. but i cried. so much. i do each time i read it, i can't help myself. all the little things make me cry, and the big things just make me sob until i have to put down the book because i can't see the pages anymore anyway. i'm so afraid of loss. i know it's a reasonable fear but that i shouldn't freak out about it as much as i do. i live my life in constant fear that someone i love is going to die and i don't know what i would do if that happened. being far from home makes it worse, because i'm always worried that something's going to happen and i'm not going to be there.

i need to be happy right now. i should think of true love instead when i read the book, although that makes me just as sad.

ahh, get out of my head. stop.

christian and i had a really interesting email dialogue over the past few days. it's hard trying to communicate with someone without being able to talk, but in some ways it's better because i can think about what to say and rewrite it, and read it over later a billion times if i want to, which of course i do. he sent me an email out of the blue wanting to know the status of our relationship, i thought because he thought he was my boyfriend and then i did something to make him think he wasn't. it turns out he thought i was just using him for sex (which is hard to do considering that he's not even in the same time zone as me) but i cleared that up. and i guess when he gets to sydney we'll be dating? he wants to take me out on dates. i like being romanced by guys. and it's nice that i don't have to worry about the sex, that that's already been taken care of and i can just have fun with it.

tomorrow i'm going to go to the botanical gardens. nothing is going to stop me. i haven't been making the most of my time here, and i really don't like it. but it's getting into fall here, and i hate the cold and it's hard to motivate myself some times to do things. but tomorrow i'm going to go because i really want to go and see this exhibit on carnivorous plants, and then maybe i'll stop off at paddy's market on the way home. i need to be buying gifts for people. i shouldn't be thinking about it like that, but i'm awful at shopping for other people, and i always buy the wrong thing or don't buy anything, so i want to give myself enough time to find the right things for everyone. and myself, of course. it seems like there's just nothing uniquely australian that i can buy for anyone, so whatever i buy is going to be lame. i'm hoping the shopping in thailand is excellent, i really want to find great things there.

oh, there's one thing that i want to record for posterity. it's a chugging song they sing here, that i learned on sunday before i blacked out and threw up...so here goes. here's to (so and so), he's true blue! he's a pisspot through and through! he's a bastard, so they say, tried to go to heaven but he went the other way! he went down! down! down! etc. and then the person chugs.

time to plan some more aspects of my life. laters!
Current Mood: melancholy

7th May 2007

5:44pm: i don't do drugs...i don't do drugs!
sooooo, last night. oh my god. a friend of my friend riche needed an international student as a date for his rowing team's end of season party, so i agreed to go, and i had to dress as a sailor. when i got to st. paul's, where the party was starting, i had three or four vodka lemonades, and we just hung out talking and unsuccessfully attempting to play drinking games. then we went to a byo thai restaurant for dinner, and i had two glasses of champagne and half a beer. my date threw up after his first beer. not an auspicious start.
after dinner we walked back to paul's to drink at their pub. i remember doing a cowboy shot and maybe one other, and then i don't remember anything until i woke up in my bed at about 2 am with half my house sitting there trying to take care of me and me vomiting all over the place. we assume my drink was spiked, because i hadn't had enough alcohol to have made me black out, and it just doesn't add up.
but basically what we've pieced together about the night is that at around 12:30 my date walked me back to my house, we were both throwing up on the way, when we got back someone put me in the shower, changed my sheets, and put me in bed and helped me throw up into a basin, which i did a lot. my date threw up in my house, then took off all of his clothes, left them in the hallway, and took a shower in the girls bathroom. i vaguely remember saying some funny things, but mostly i don't remember anything until i woke up this morning. i tried to drink some water but each time i did i just threw it up, so i went to the doctor, and she gave me a shot to stop me throwing up anymore. she said even if she did test my blood it's unlikely she'd find anything, so we'll never really know what happened, but i know that i didn't just have too much to drink last night. that was very abnormal.

Current Mood: sick

28th April 2007

12:19pm: i went to the rabbi's house for shabbas dinner last night. they're ultra-orthodox, very young, two small kids, and when i first met them i thought they were just like rabbi e. and his family. turns out they're at the opposite end of the ultra-orthodox spectrum. weird to think there's a spectrum in such a specific group. but they're totally hip, talk about sex at the dinner table, the wife plays the didg and does fire-twirling, and they're fun. it was a really good dinner. and there were a couple of mexican and south american jews there as well, so we had lots of spanish and ladino singing in addition to hebrew, english, and yiddish. quite fun. hopefully i'll have a chance to do it again before i leave.

and today i decided that i'm done wasting time here. i've spent the last week sitting in my room watching movies because i've been sick and tired and not in the mood to go out, but no more. i woke up early this morning and went to the gym, because i'm done abandoning workouts, i need to get in shape. and now i'm going to paddington market, because it's really cool there and i need to start buying gifts for people so that i don't run out of time and stress-buy crap.

that's all.
Current Mood: pleased

25th April 2007

5:24pm: let's get down to business
i have not been updating. in fact, i really haven't been doing much of anything that i should be. i'm lazy.

but last night, i went out to king's cross (the redlight district) for emily's birthday. i was pretty bitter about it, because half the house came and no one was around for my birthday, but it was more like a night out than a celebration so it was ok. the place we went to, which was called the world, is famous for their teapots of mixed drinks, that you're supposed to take shots of. i had several, some of which had tequila in them. i thought that was going to be a mistake, but it ended up not being a problem. which is good, because now i know i can drink tequila and not die. hurrah.

and this past weekend, i went to newcastle (2 hours north of sydney) to stay with my friend monique at her house. we went to the beach, which was really pretty, and ate A TON of cheese, which i loved, went out to a turkish dinner with her parents and brother, and then went out in the city at night. one of the bars we went to is called frostbite, and they're known for having alcoholic slushie machines that are built into the walls. it's pretty cool, even though the one i had tasted kind of foul. i ended up making out with monique's younger brother rhys, which was interesting. he's a really good kisser. fortunately she didn't mind too much.

today's anzac day, which is the holiday where they honor the army, so i didn't have class. i meant to get lots of work done today, but i only wrote one paper and read an article for another. i need to get lots of work done soon, i have two presentations next week and a term paper due the week after. and it's only midterms now, i can't believe so many people are getting ready to go home now and i'm still here for two more months. not that i want to leave, but i want to be here and home at the same time.

i never posted about spring break, but fortunately it's all written down in my journal. there's not a whole lot to know, except for the boy, christian, who i think is pretty attached. he got mad when he found out about rhys. so i have to be chaste until i can see him again, which should be soon. he's a british backpacker, and he's making his way back to sydney.

ok, i'm bored with this already. i'm done for now.
Current Mood: bored

23rd April 2007

2:11pm: my nose is full of smelly green snot...i think that's an indication that i finally need a doctor
so i'm sitting in my room preparing to update my lj, and it starts to rain. i close the window, but all of a sudden, it starts raining into my room anyway. what do you know, my room leaks. fabulous.

and i have what appears to be a sinus infection. it's bad when you can tell that your own snot smells bad. ew. i'll try to get to the doctor tomorrow.

i wanted to update for real, but now i'm just not feeling it, between the exhaustion and the puddle rapidly forming on my desk that they won't be able to do anything about for a while. i'm going to go watch tv or something. i'll tell you all about my exciting life later.
Current Mood: drained

9th April 2007

5:24am: and now, i can legally drink in any country i want to. except all those ones i can't.
birthday has come and gone in australia, although barely, since it's retardedly early. so early, in fact, that i woke up drunk. yessss. i partied last night away, beginning at about 6 and ending at midnight. tame, i know, but i'm now packing and making my way to the airport for spring break, so i had to curtail it a bit. i'll spend tonight telling people it's my birthday so i can go crazy again. and i'll have less for dinner.

so last night i got pretty tipsy at dinner with my parents, then went to marly bar and had more, and then went to scruffys and had waaaay too much too fast. and on my full stomach, it was unpleasant. fortunately not in a messy way.

and then i came home and talked to the world online and was a wall whore and somehow managed to pack as well. i think i did a pretty good job, hopefully i'll feel the same when i'm sober and need clothes to wear.

anyway, i need to go catch a plane. back in a week!
Current Mood: drunk

6th April 2007

10:19pm: the spars do sydney
my parents got here today!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! uber-exciting. and they brought me tons of great things, like new clothes, pictures of the cutest cara bella ever, and birthday checks!

and today was probably the most packed day i've had since being in sydney. we started at 9 30 with seeing each other over breakfast with some friends. because it was rainy we decided to take the monorail around, but on our way we were distracted by lots of cool architecture, and ended up making our way over to the botanical gardens. the sun came out, which was really fortunate, and we got to see lots of pretty gardens and take family pictures galore. we walked over to mrs. mcquarie's chair to get the best view of the opera house and the bridge, and then we walked all the way back around the harbor and caught a ferry to taronga zoo. we got to see a cute seal show and a bunch of other fun stuff, but i have to say that on the whole i wasn't super impressed. it was fun though. it rained on and off, but for the most part the weather stayed nice. when we got back we walked back to the hotel and my parents changed for dinner, and i took a catnap on their bed. then we cabbed back to mandelbaum so i could change and show my parents around a bit, and they seemed to enjoy it. we were too late to get to services at the great synagogue, but that was ok. we went out to dinner at a steakhouse in darling harbour, which is so gorgeous. my parents really seemed to like it there even though they were fading fast. after dinner we called it a night and put each other into cabs, and we'll meet up tomorrow for another day of activities. i came back here and watched sabrina, and i'm going to go to bed soon so i'm rested up for MY BIRTHDAY TOMORROW NIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! we're pub crawling until i say we can stop. at least, that's my plan.

i haven't posted in forever, but not much has been happening. except that last night we went out to a club in north sydney called greenwood, where all the underage highschoolers go. it was an experience, i'll say that. i saw a pretty rad fight, and i watched my r.a. make out with a sketchy guy, but other than that, it was your basic club.

this weekend promises to hold some great stories though, so stay tuned.
Current Mood: tired

30th March 2007

9:14am: i've become that ghetto girl who threatens fights when she's drunk
last night we went on a pub crawl, and i just wanted to go out and get really drunk because my family was all at home at my grandmother's funeral. so alcohol seemed like the best idea in stead of being there.

what was meant to be a big group ended up just being me, emily, sophia, stuart, and q, but that was actually a pretty good group. we started off at paddy's with cocksucking cowboys, then moved on to scruffy's for vodka lemonade, then shit on the grasses at three wise monkeys, then two more vodka lemonades at pavilion, then we bussed down to the end of george street and went to jacksons for a round of jagerbombs. at this point we met up with pete, riche, jock, andrew, and emily, all of whom were sober and wanted to either get cheap drinks or pancakes. by this point pretty much everything but jacksons was closed, so we went back there but apparently the drinks were too expensive for people to drink there. i did another round of jagerbombs, and then we headed out to god knows where. the only place that was going to be open by the time we got there was scruffy's, but no one wanted to go there so we agreed to walk until we found an open pub, which we didn't find. sophia and i were pissed at our respective guys, and then when we ran into two really drunk girls in academic dress and the guys were all over them, we got pretty pissed. the guys were waiting at the bus stop to catch the bus home, and then andrew made some retarded comment about how he had gotten stuck with the drunk girls, and so i told him nobody wanted him there anyway and he should just leave us and go home. and pete backed him up, which made me even more pissed. so sophia and i just walked away, and i left her at scruffy's and got in a taxi home.

and then i talked to sarah for a while, because apparently there was a shooting at her school. random as hell. then i tried to call my parents but they didn't answer the phone, so i have to try calling them again.

last night honestly would have been fun if those guys hadn't come. boys ruin everything.
Current Mood: angry

25th March 2007

2:39pm: WARNING: too much information, read with caution
so friday night we had our traffic light party here at mandelbaum. the boys we invited called to say they were coming, so that was a good sign.

i wore green, obviously, but i wasn't really expecting anyone to take the color thing seriously, since we all know each other and such. i definitely wasn't expecting what happened with andrew's friend tom. we were talking about history and my thesis and then all of a sudden he puts his arm around me and goes to make out with me. and i was like, excuse me? this was at about 9:30, mind you. and he was like, is something wrong? and i wanted to say yeah, a conversation about academics isn't really my way of flirting with you so get off me, you freak. but i didn't. so i just excused myself and pulled emily back inside to complain about the sketchy guys i always manage to attract.

and then we played a game of beer pong that ended in a draw. it's hard playing when it's windy. and then the guys showed up, alex and chris. we hung out for a while, danced, played some beer pong, it was fun. the party seemed to go by pretty fast considering i wasn't too drunk. we went to gangster once the party started to move inside, so i could get some chips. alex had a kebab. with onions. bad choice, man.

i was really tired but when we got back emily took chris up to her room and that pretty much left me with no option but to take alex up to my room.

[stop reading here if you don't care about my sex life]

i have NEVER had such a bad hookup. i know i say that a lot, but this was sooooo bad. it trumps small dicks, bad sex, premature ejac, awkward moments, everything. i'm embarassed that i had to participate in this.

let's start with the fact that he can't even kiss. there is no beginning or end to his kisses, it's just kind of a constant sucking movement that's very slobbery and gross. and it wasn't so bad the first night when he was just kissing my lips, but when that nastiness moved to my face and my chest it was disgusting. so i tried kissing his neck the way i like mine to be kissed. he didn't notice.

he didn't take off my clothes. anything i wanted out of the way i had to move myself. he doesn't seem to understand the concept of clothes all the way off, as evidenced by the fact that he didn't mind having his boxers around his thighs for a while. i really can't imagine that's comfortable.

his positioning was TERRIBLE. he wasn't quite on top of me, but he was taking up so much of the bed that my legs weren't on it at all. and there was no way to move him.

he was sweating like a pig. it was really disgusting. my pillowcase was wet in the morning.

and last and probably worst, he 'guessed he had too much to drink.' you can figure out what that means. i don't even think he had more than four beers.

oh, and that onion breath. vomit.

i didn't really want him to stay the night, but it's hard to kick someone out at 3 in the morning when they don't really know where they are and have to take a long taxi to get home. so he stayed over, and it was awkward in the morning, but at least he left and i probably won't have to see him again.

i really deserve better than this. i'm so done hooking up with gross guys.

[back to normalness]

so on thursday night george gave me season 2 and most of season 3 of greys anatomy. it's sunday afternoon and i'm done with all of it. and jonesing for more. i have a compulsion, this is a problem.

and i have a paper to write. i really don't want to do it. but i'm going to, so i don't fail.
Current Mood: working

23rd March 2007

6:55pm: fizzy pink pussy?
wednesday night we went on a bar crawl with aujs, the australasian union of jewish students. it was actually pretty fun, there were about 200 students from all over new south wales, and yet somehow i managed to spend my entire night with americans. and shulzi.

we crawled on oxford street, which was cool, because i haven't been there yet. at 8 oclock on a wednesday there's not a whole lot going on there, but by the end of the night i was too drunk to care. emily and i ended up meeting these guys named chris and alex (can you tell which one wasn't actually jewish?) from the states who we hung out with. i also spent time with shulzi, aka big nose, and we and some other people did a shot at one of the places called a fizzy pink pussy. or something like that. it's the house shot. i wanted to do a cocksucking cowboy since i've yet to have one of those, but that's clearly going to have to wait. after the crawl (at the oh so late hour of 12 am) the four of us left to go to three wise monkeys, but alex couldn't get in because the bouncer said he'd had too much to drink. they're pretty ridiculous about that here. so instead we went to scruffy's, which is not as hopping on wednesdays as it is on tuesdays. in fact, when we got there there were about 30 people upstairs, and maybe 5 or so downstairs. alex and i did a jagerbomb, which i actually like a lot, and then we went downstairs to dance. in about three minutes we were all making out like crazy, which was pretty sketch considering that it was us and two guys dancing randomly by themselves. apparently i don't 'come up for air' as much as is normal. whatever. alex had a REALLY NICE body. very jacked. i know because my hands were all over it for the hour a half that we were making out. on his pecs and his abs specifically. they were really nice. i don't think i've ever been with a guy who was jacked like that. and then we went home, because it was late, but not before inviting the guys to come to our traffic light party that's supposed to be happening tonight. they got our numbers, but they haven't called yet. i'm not too concerned, it would be nice to have sex tonight but if i don't have that pressure on me i'd probably feel better.

so traffic light party tonight. this should be interesting.

p.s. the last 15 hours have been a pretty non-stop grey's marathon. i only slept 5 hours, and i only have one episode left in season 2. exciting!

20th March 2007

you'll never guess what i found in my room today. a dead cockroach. ew. i had to go get martin to come throw it out for me, not because i'm a wimp but because i wasn't sure if it was dead or not and i wasn't touching a live cockroach.

if any more show up i'm fumigating the room myself. gross.

not a whole lot has happened recently, i've been doing work and resting up since i seem to have quite the cough and a disgusting runny nose. i knew i was going to get sick eventually, so i guess it's good that it's now and not when i have lots to do and someone to hook up with and such.

there's talk of a stoplight party at our house this weekend, which is a pretty dumb idea. we all know who's hooking up with who, and i'm not going to be getting any action, so there's no reason to display it to everyone. on the bright side, i don't have to go camping this weekend, so i'll be here to write my australia paper and get drunk and if i'm lucky find someone to hook up with. since boy is going to be out of town this weekend.

and tomorrow night's the aujs (australasian union of jewish students, for those not in the know) pub crawl, which should be fun. the people seem really nice, and i haven't been on a proper pub crawl since i've been here, so i'm glad to finally get a chance. me and big nose are going to bond hardcore.

that's about it, i'm going to get back to my comfort music and chill.
Current Mood: sick

17th March 2007

3:00am: i've been insulted one too many times...
so tonight was the sneaky sound system concert, and it really was pretty awesome. i stayed in the 'mosh pit' the whole time, and danced with emily and anyone else near me, and it was pretty great. unfortunately, boy didn't really seem to care that i was there, so i'm just not sure what's going on with him. because sometimes i get a vibe, and sometimes i don't. hmmm. and i wish i were with boy right now having sex, but i'm not. damn boy.

and so, as the title would imply, i was insulted, yet again tonight. i thought aussies were supposed to be friendly. so why am i getting all this shit? it's not like anyone else is. do i have a kick me sign on my back? do i have bad karma? because a lot of bad shit has happened to me in the past year and half or so, starting with a certain video of some certain people making out who shouldn't have been. so anyway. the other night at scruffys some guy said to me 'you're so special' in that NOT way, like very sarcastic and whatnot, after some other banter. which was uncalled for. tonight, as we were crashing around in the mosh pit and being pushed all over the place and into other people, some guy turns around to me and says 'you're not hot, you're not getting up front.' ouch. like, my self-esteem isn't low enough already, why don't you make me feel bad when i don't even know you or give a shit about you. up until now, when you've told me that i'm ugly.

fuck, i hate boys. so instead of enjoying a really great concert i was contemplating my physical attractiveness and thinking about why i don't have a boyfriend or any of several other things that i don't care to name right now. suffice it to say that i was pissed at myself and this guy. ugh. i hate boys. can i say it anymore? i hate boys.

and then we went on a 'pub crawl' which was basically one stop, down the street. and boy didn't want to come, and now i'm too scared to knock on his door and see if he's interested. so i'm going to bed alone, in a bad mood, drunk, horny, pissed off at a lot of people, and hoping that tomorrow is better. tomorrow night in particular.
Current Mood: angry

16th March 2007

3:14pm: my first swimming adventure in sydney
i went to bondi today, and actually went in the water for the first time. it was so idyllic, there's no seaweed, no rocks, huge waves, clear water, and sandbars everywhere, so you can be really far from the shore but only up to your knees. i jumped in waves, got knocked over several times, and my tan was vastly improved.

now, however, i'm sticky from the salt and sand, and my skin feels very dry. time to take a showor and rest up for the sneaky sound system concert tonight! yay!
Current Mood: energetic

14th March 2007

2:29am: another tuesday night out at scruffys

on a brighter note, i'm really glad i went out tonight. emily and i had a very good time, even if i am now more deaf and we did make out with sketchy guys. i have a fire drill in 4 hours, though, which i'll be very tired for. it should be great fun.

one more timtam, then i'm off to bed.
Current Mood: drunk

12th March 2007

6:29pm: i forgot all about last night's fab dream
so last night i had a dream about tanya perkins. my favorite person ever, i think, especially after this dream. i'm not quite sure what was going on in it, but we were talking about school and how great mr. brande was, and i told her that she was one of the best teachers i'd ever had, and i really liked her as a person too. she was really touched, and we hugged. except i'm pretty sure all of this was going on during some sort of biomedical hazard emergency. that's the part i'm hazy on. but i do love me some perkins.

and i had a very naughty dream the other night. way too dirty to be put down in writing. suffice it to say that i need to have sex. even if it goes against my rule. so i bought condoms (which only come in one size, andrew) and i'm ready. sex, here i come.
Current Mood: pleased
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